Thursday 31 January 2013

Government knows

Do You know what is absolutely disturbing, yet reassuring? The government knows everything about you. In fact, they have random security cameras placed almost everywhere. See that webcam on your laptop there? Someone could be watching you right now and you wouldn't even know about it. Yeah, that tape you just stuck on there was probably a good idea. Possibly I may be overreacting, but there actually is a limit to where people can go into my life. You know, it is a little ironic, seeing as I am putting this on google for the entire universe to see. Regardless of that small fact, the government, google, and others can quite easily read everything I have ever emailed, posted, or saved as a file. Not that I have anything to hide, but private business owners or people who care what the world thinks of them might want to start handwriting everything. You can actually google "how to hack a google account" and find a solution. Of course you would only ever do that if you, perchance, forgot your password right? :)
Point being: the Internet is the world's key to your brain. Boy, was that ever deeply concerning.

Monday 21 January 2013

Exams

It's that time of year again! All the teachers are in the mood for revenge. Not only do they give you reviews with the wrong information, but they also give you nice little side projects to drive you nuts with. They tell you that the exam is pretty easy. I don't know who they think they're kidding, but you and I both know that the exam is far from easy. Then when you go to take the exam, everything is all good until you see the essay question on the back which is worth basically half the points on the exam. This of course would be fine in the event that you knew what you had to write. However, this question deals with the thing you missed the ONE day that you were absent. Naturally. The teacher of course has the nerve to just sit up there at the front and smile at you and say : "tiiiiime's up! No more writing!". Then you leave, and after consulting your friends, come to the conclusion that you did indeed fail the test. Everyone gives you the same consolation : "Well, at least you still passed the course." At this statement you cringe and fake a smile, like this sick joke is actually funny. Maybe I will start a government petition or something to make exams illegal. Well, I should be studying right now, so see you!

Tuesday 1 January 2013

Canadian Winter

Where is all the snow? And ice? And winter? I think I'm starting to believe in global warming. What if the plants all started growing because they thought it is spring? All the people from Florida that come all the way up to Canada to see snow are in for a little surprise. Oh well. They won't see any NHL or snowmobiles, but at least they have Tim Hortons coffee. Which, ironically, includes cups with art on them featuring what winter is supposed to look like. Maybe they should change the picture to something more realistic, like mud and rain. Then again, if we got any more than six inches of snow, the entire city of Brantford would go into environmental crisis reaction. Around here, people are so paranoid of snow, they bring in the snow ploughs three weeks in advance of the forecasted centimetre of precipitation.
The ski resorts are not making any money right now, that's for sure. I like to imagine a Christmas holiday including sledding, snowboarding, snowmobiles, and so on. In the stark reality, however, we sit inside and watch the rain make puddles on the driveway. Oh well. At least I have my Timmies.

Old people

Old people are really classy. All the old guys in their baseball hats curved in a almost full circle who peer over or under (depending on the size of their nose) their glasses at the wall behind you are probably what defines style today. They also pull up their pants so high that they get their abundance of chest hair stuck in their pants zipper. Add a cane fully equipped with tennis balls on the base, and you have your stereotypical old guy.
Then there's your everyday granny, who dresses in a skirt so long that it trails on the ground behind her. Wouldn't want anybody to see her ankles, you know. She also has that chain attached to her massive glasses so she doesn't lose them. Not that it would matter, as she can't see anything with them anyways.her hair is the same colour as her plastic blue necklace, and her teeth (if present) are supported by a metal wire in her mouth. Style at its best.

However, you can't knock them, because they are pretty funny. Essentially all old guys have the most fun, even if they are in a wheelchair. They are astounded by a cell phone, and the dashboard of their car is a mystery. A public outing is a grand expedition, and a nap is a four-day hibernation. Grannies are the best cooks, and grandpas know everything about everything.
In the end, I'd say that they are the key part of society, even if they drive thirty in a fifty zone.

Wednesday 19 December 2012

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Yeah, we have all heard that one. I vote for yes, because whenever I have been around to see it, the tree always makes a sound. In fact, it makes a lot of sound. Enough sound, as it turns out, that I will run like a gazelle whilst screaming that the end of the world is coming.
Which, by the way, it isn't.
My personal theory on the Mayan calendar is that they didn't actually think that the world was going to end, they just got bored of making calenders, so they ended it just to freak us all out.
Hey, all you idiots that believe it, the joke is on you: courtesy of the Mayans. Good old practical jokes.

On the good side of things, or at least the normal side, it's almost Christmas! And to celebrate, right here, I am going to proceed to write a small poem. Note - it is genuinely my spontaneous poem, so don't expect anything too stunning or brilliant, and forgive my rhythmic or contextual errors.

 The skies light up in glorious wonder,
The star leads wise men to the place,
Where God came down to earth as man,
that for us he'd face the grave.
In a stable Christ was born
in a manger was he laid,
clothed in swaddling rags and garments,
near the people he had made.
As a man, yet fully God,
Christ was born in humble state,
 Shepards bow unto this baby,
on that wondrous, sacred day.
Now with greetings tell the world,
goodwill, salvation we proclaim,
I wish you all a Merry Christmas,
And a happy holiday!

From your friend,

Matt Wolfe

Friday 19 October 2012

Or, we could talk about the weather...

In fact, why not? I haven't posted anything here in like forever and a half. Weather is a subject of concern, because it affects many things. Including tennis. Yesterday I played tennis in the rain and wind with our gym class. It frankly sucked. Today, however, had much better results, the sun peeking through the clouds a few times.
Weather would be cooler if they switched it up once in a while. Wouldn't it be interesting if it started raining something other than rain? What if one random day, it started raining dog food? Or money? Or Koolaid? Can you imagine?
Me and my ridiculous imagination.
It would still be totally awesome.
Well, I doubt that will ever happen.

Weather drives me crazy sometimes. Like when it snows at night in the first few weeks of winter, but all the snow has melted by mid-afternoon? That's depressing. Or when it rains all break time at school, but as soon as the bell rings, it's the cue for the sun to come out! Annoying.
So, now that you have my personal speculation on weather patterns, I have some news. I'm writing a book. I just finished the first chapter. It's a story in the future, told from a guy who tells about his mission for a cure for a disease that is wiping out humanity.
However, I don't really have a storyline, so I'm just making it up as I go. I'm debating on making a seperate blog in which I will post each chapter on when I finish them. We will see how it goes. Let me know what you think!

Until the next post!

Monday 24 September 2012

All's well that ends well.

Ok, so it's the worst day ever. You got up in the morning thinking it was Saturday, when it was actually monday. You missed the bus, which got your mom totally ticked off because she was late for some ladies meeting or something because she had to drive you in to school. Your teachers are exasperated with you, because you have so many assignments that you have little time to do your homework.

Shucks.

Sometimes it seems as if life really stinks. Here's a little hint: it does. Get over it. But it is also what you make of it. As long as it turns out ok, really, it is worth the bad moments. Because at the end of that worse day, there's always something that makes it awesome. It's usually something tiny that somebody does. They have no idea, but they make your day, and you should appreciate it. So concentrate on the little things that make your day, not on the big ones that break them!